he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
