I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
