i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
