Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize