I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
