were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
