Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
