I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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