Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
