i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
