either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
