Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
