trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Dicks are not precious.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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