You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
