I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
