I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
