im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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