Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
