My nipple is on Facebook.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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