They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
