there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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