so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
