just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
