I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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