I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
