So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Randomize