pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
this is an emotional support booty call
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize