Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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