i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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