I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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