Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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