when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
