Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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