Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
