You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
