My liver just broke up with me...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
