i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
