That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize