She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
