No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
and she was petting her beer can
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
