I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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