I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
