She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize