think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
