Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize