i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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