I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
