she woke up with a sticky ear
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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