I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
