i'm signing you up for texting rehab
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
