All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
