alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
