I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
