just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
