its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
