white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
