and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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