420 ftw
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
