So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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