road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
