it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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