the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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