On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
