Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
