I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
