Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
