I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Found the puke drawer
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
