i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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