The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
