RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize