Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
