once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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