i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
