Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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