She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
