peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
