I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
