dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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