I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize