If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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