Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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