You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
