i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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