Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize