Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
