I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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