i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
be right there i have to get my cape
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize