So drunk, too bad you don't want this
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
