Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
