At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Randomize