I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
