There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Randomize
