I'm going to rape someone's good day.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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