Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
