I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
