if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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