The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
