OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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