Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Randomize
