You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
