She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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