I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
