I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
