I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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