roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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